What now, Peggy Tillman?

It's a little different this time. (How many women can say "this time" about the death of a spouse?" What a stupid club I belong to now. No one wants to come to THAT meeting.)  By different I mean...well, I guess I know better how to handle it. I am certainly not as gobsmacked. Just as sad but not feeling LOST, confused, wondering what the hell just happened. I guess I'm thankful for that. But still.

It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; He will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.

Deuteronomy 31:8

His funeral yesterday was lovely. It was warm enough for people to sweat, but not fall out. He liked that sort of heat, tho he preferred it on the beach. Most folks were, per request, wearing University of Alabama stuff- t-shirts, casual. He wasn't a suit and tie sort of person. One friend from here was wearing a suit. I apologized for not telling him of the clothing tribute and he chuckled and said "No. I'm not wearing that." He is an Auburn person. (University of Alabama and Auburn University have the hottest football rivalry in the country. It's true. Look it up.) Capt's mom whispered to me before the service that I should have worn an Auburn shirt. I replied that it would have caused the casket to bump as he spun around in it.

It was wonderful to be able to tell his kinfolk (that's Southern for "relatives") how much he loved them. I didn't get around to all of them, but I think they knew. If not, I'll tell them at Thanksgiving.  There were the platters of food and coolers of cold drinks, pitchers of tea, myriad cakes and pies, all the gustatory ingredients for a fine Southern send-off. Stories were told, laughter happened...perfect. He had a huge window-rattling laugh. There was nothing quiet about Capt. 

Until now. At least here, anyway. Thunder will remind me of his laughter, especially the window- rattling kind.

We never did make it to the beach this month.  There was a spell of about about 10 days with no Dr's appointments, and we were going to take a couple of them to go put our toes in the sand before it got too cool for swimsuits.  One I catch my breath I'm going to do that. I'll take an extra chair and put his hat in it.

For the next couple of weeks there's a bit of paperwork to be done. Filing things with the attorney and getting the will probated, and all that stuff. A big deal but not like Last Time.  This time I can breathe knowing what's what and how to do it. I have my own source of income so I won't panic. It's all going to be OK. 

It's time to employ that cliche' I kind of dislike (not because there's anything wrong with it, but because in general I dislike cliche's but this one is apropos)...

Let go and let God....Ok. I think I can do that. At least I'm not panicking and scared and confused. Thank You, God, for that.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give it to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

John 14:27

Capt had a prodigious goofy side.