So it's been 19 days since Capt left this world and all it's troubles and baloney. 19 days now of no hardships, perfect life. It seems like longer, to me. Months that have gone by in a moment. I had to do math to figure it out, let's see...he left on the 8th and now it's the 27th...(does math) (also, hates doing math)...yeah. 19 days.
and I am so TIRED. like just weary tired. It seems the Energy days and the No Energy days alternate. Yesterday, stuff got done. I have a feeling today, No Stuff will get done. Coffee and tea will be consumed. And maybe some food, if I can find something that doesn't require any effort. My dog has the right idea. He's laying next to me on the couch, snoring in that way only a dachshund can.
Last night (hold on....coffee needs refilling and here lately I've had to do it myself...)
OK where was I? OH yeah. Last night I was thinking about missing having a warm solid body next to me. Nearly every night, in the middle of it, I'll roll over and in the fog of sleep, reach out for that warm solid body. He's not there and I'd think "oh he must have gotten up to g....crap. He's NOT THERE not there."
During the day, I come across something interesting. An unusual flower. That 1952 Willies Wagon some guy keeps parked in front of his store. Something I want to make note of and tell Capt about. Then it's....dangit. I can't.
That's another big thing I miss. The solid presence (and Capt was SOLID like a brick wall. Short, powerful, thickly muscled) and Other Person with whom I could share an interesting thing, and who would share interesting things with me.
When we dove together, he was always waving me over to point at a tiny thing, a fire worm, a nudibranch, a seahorse. His eyesight was far better than mine and he knew I'd never see those tiny things unless he pointed them out.
I knew he'd get a kick out of the 1952 Willies Wagon. I wonder if they have old cars in Heaven?
Anyway, last night I was thinking about those things that have gone into the past. I miss them.
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