I love the Psalms.

 Capt is not a perfect man. He has flaws. We all do. He acknowledges them. But for all his flaws, for all his shortcomings and weaknesses, he loves the Lord. Deeply and sincerely. 

“Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call on me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him.” – Psalm 91:14-15

This could have been written for him. I looked up a list of Psalms for peace, comforting things in time of trouble. 

It doesn't promise healing. It promises deliverance from trouble. Rescue and protection. 

Before Capt let the Drs intubate and sedate him, he crawled out of the hospital bed, with IV tubes and catheters and probes. I didn't understand what he was doing. 

WHAT ARE YOU DOING??

I need to pray.

You can pray in the bed! God will hear you!

No. I need to be on my knees.

I still didn't understand but he did it anyway.

It was brief but he did it anyway.

Later on his best friend was there and I told him about it. He said "He needed to humble himself"

I didn't think of it that way. Upon reflection, I was humbled by it.

So I don't know what Capt's deliverance will look like. Maybe he will be healed and use the experience to glorify God.

Maybe he will be taken Home. He's been wanting to go Home for a long time, since he first started getting sick.

I can't influence God or Capt or the doctors or anyone. I can thank God for today, and ask for tomorrow, if it's His will. I can ask for the courage and grace to accept His will, whatever shape that takes. 

I am (and will) doing a lot of crying. I'm sad. It's normal. It's ok for me to be sad. I am a human bean who's worried about what the future looks like but occasionally I can take a deep breath and remind myself that God knows what He's doing and His plan is perfect and He can take ugly tragic (to us) things and turn them into beauty.

Today is OK. Capt's alive and grumpy. I would be too if I had a tube shoved down my throat. At least the nurse said he was taking the Foley catheter out. TMI? Whatever. one less thing to complain about.

God's got this. He always does.