We buried Capt 10 days ago. How is it possible for days to pass so quickly and so slowly at the same time? I've done little to change anything around here. There's no timeline, really. No handbook that says "After 5 days, throw away his toothbrush. After 10 days, pack up his clothes" (etc.) I haven't done any of that. The only thing I've done is change the towels in the bathroom, and that's because it needed doing anyway. He liked these giant thick ones, and I prefer smaller ones. So the giant thick ones are washed and stacked until I decide what to do with them. His toothbrush is still by the sink. The bottle of Pepto is still on his bedside table. His slippers and bathrobe, still in the on the floor and hung in the bathroom. I'm in no hurry.
All those little things...the toothbrush, the Pepto, the slippers...they provide a sense of normalcy in a tumultuous time. They're necessary, as much or maybe even more so than they were when he was here. I can sometimes pretend he's just stepped out for a couple of days, maybe taken a group of students down South for their check-out dives. Maybe he's on a 2 day charter trip, taking a man and his son-in-law fly fishing off Cape San Blas. Then I see the dive gear hanging on it's rack, and the boat in the driveway.
And it's quiet. It was never quiet when Capt was around. Music was playing, or some cooking show on TV. Capt had severe tinnitus from his years in the Army and working in sawmills. He needed background noise to keep it bearable. I like the quiet. Or used to, anyway. Not so much now. I'll put the music on his favorite stations...No Shoes Radio (Sirius XM)...Or that radio station out of Myrtle Beach that plays old school Beach Music. We were going to take Shag lessons and go to the big dance festival in Myrtle Beach next year.
Lordy, we had plans. I was going to take him West, to see the Palo Dura Canyon. We were going to see his friends who live in Arkansas on the way. We were going to make an annual trip to the Keys, to see friends there, dive the beautiful reefs, and eat stone crab claws. He wanted to see Greece, and Israel, and Scotland. He wanted to show me Chile (he'd worked there), and Costa Rica. Belize....the world is a fantastic place, he'd say. It would be a shame to think that all we'd see is a 5 acre spot in East Alabama. He told me a couple of months ago that I was to use the proceeds from his life insurance to travel the world. I said he was being morbid and I wanted US to travel the world.
Palo Dura Canyon
I wanted to get old with him. I wanted to have grandchildren holding his hand, calling him Grandpa, annoying him with their messes and dirt, melting his heart with their hugs and shouts. I know that's what would happen. Grandpunkin does it every time he comes over. I wanted to sit in the rocking chair and reminisce about the travels..."remember that fisherman in Belize...the monkey in Costa Rica that stole your sunglasses...the chill of walking on the Via Dolorosa in Jerusalem?" Who am I supposed to talk about that stuff with now?
He will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears from all faces; he will remove his people's disgrace from all the earth. The Lord has spoken. In that day they will say "Surely this is our God; we trusted in Him, and He saved us. This is the Lord, we trusted in Him, let us rejoice and be glad in His salvation. Isaiah 25: 6-9
But y'know, he's getting even better stuff than that now. He's walking the streets of Paradise! He's got Eternity to explore the nooks and crannies, the beautiful beaches, crisp streams, golden streets of the Kingdom of Heaven! His knees don't hurt, and his ears are filled with the sounds of the Angel choirs instead of the harsh ringing of artillery-induced tinnitus. There's no frustration, anxiety or need for the ever-present bottle of Pepto. Nope, Capt's in the best possible place there is.
'He will wipe every tear from their eyes, There will be no more death' or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then He said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true." Revelation 21: 4-5
But I sure miss him now.
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