Here it is, one month into 2024. Wasn't Blade Runner based in 2021 or something? Maybe it was that post-apocalyptic one with Mel Gibson...my post-menopausal brain that's so full of life experiences won't remember the names of unimportant things like movies. I can remember where I saw a specific Lego (under the table by the front door) or how much flour to use when making a loaf of bread (3 cups), but those are useful things. Anyway, where was I...Right. Future predictions that didn't turn out that way. I'm thankful for that. Maybe eventually they will be that way or maybe Mankind will always retain a modicum of decency and it will be more like Star Trek with a Prime Directive to be nice and let people be who they are. One can hope.
I was thinking about it all earlier this morning, sitting on a warm heating pad (back issues), wrapped in a flannel robe with a cup of coffee on the table beside me. It's a cute little table Dad made in woodshop class in high school. He thinks it's terrible because he sees all the mistakes. I think it's wonderful because it's 70 years old and he made it, and it's stinkin' CUTE. Anyway, there I was thinking about stuff. About how my life has made these screeching direction changes, and how I managed (sometimes poorly, sometimes fairly well) to carry on. Technology cooperates beautifully with my tendency to get distracted and forget the important things (like paying bills, or eating). I only have one bill I have to actually PAY, rather than automatic draft, and they send me a monthly reminder. Once in a while I have forgotten to pay it and got a polite "yoohoo" email. Now I am cooking meals for my parents, and I won't forget to feed them so naturally there's cooked food right there and I might as well eat it.
But those aformentioned screeching changes, they...y'know...change a person. What's important has changed. A need to Stay Alive, that's not so important anymore. Not that I'm depressed and trying to die, it's just not so...critical, I guess. I've also changed priorities. I spend more time with my family and less time trying to figure out which outfit or shoes to buy, looking for a bigger and better (whatever) to acquire. I have plenty, more than enough. Now I want to gather experiences.
I am going out there and experiencing the heck out of this world, as much as I can. That trip to Spain created an opening to the rest of the world. This country has so much to offer, and so does everywhere else. God's creation is incredible, all over. I'm also learning the joys of solo travel. Not having to figure out where WE want to go or what WE want to do. If I make a decision and the sandwich at that shop was nasty, no one is to blame but me and I didn't disappoint anyone. I have PLANS. I'm going to the Keys. By myself. I'm going to Curacao (I can't do the little fiddly thing under the second c) with a group, to go scuba diving. I'm pondering going to Iceland, by myself, to satisfy some bucket list items. Northern lights, a volcano, and snorkeling a tectonic rift. That decision will be made after Curacao. I've heard people at the end of their lives say that experiences are the best. I want to have interesting stories, for when I'm not able to travel. My aunt (never married) has done that, traveled all her life.
I've also learned that my house doesn't have to be PERFECT. I'm living here. My grandson is here every weekend and has a toy corner in the living room. It's a small house! My son is living here while his house (nearby) is being built. So is his Great Dane, Otto. Having had only dachshunds for the last 30 years, something that size is disconcerting, but he's sweet and prefers to sleep in the sun on the front porch. I'm still figuring out what to do with Capt's stuff, gradually. I have this enormous portrait painting of him done when he was in his 20's, and have about decided that's what I'm keeping, and the rest can go. The hats, the fishing and scuba gear, all that. I don't need it and someone else will be blessed by it.
One of the struggles I've had, with both Himself and Capt, is the fear of being disrespectful of them. Both men wanted and got respect. They both had items they treasured, and held onto for strong reasons. I, however, have no such attachment to those things, but also know if they were HERE, and I got rid of them, they would be terribly upset and feel VERY disrespected. I have been reminded several times by my sons that Himself and Capt are no longer attached to said items, they don't CARE about them anymore. Let go! So, I am. Gradually, bit by bit. I keep one or two things that are also important to me, like the portrait of Capt, and the big sewing desk Himself made for me as a wedding gift. When I am gone, if there's no one who cares about them, it won't matter. I will no longer care either. But still, it's kind of hard. At this point, it's truly just the respect issue. I'm not keeping them because *I* can't let go, I just....I just don't want to dishonor them.
The Road Warrior! I remembered the name of the movie!! Mad Max! HA!
