*Censored* for language (ok not really but I wanna)

 THEY say (whoever THEY are) that losing a spouse is one of the most stressful events a person can endure. They're right. It's awful. On every single level. And on top of all that, I am coming down with a cold. No great surprise there. Stress whacks your immune system. There's a whole constellation of things that contribute to that. You can't eat, no matter what people say and how much food they shove at you. You don't want to sleep. You want people around but you don't want people around. There's paperwork (SO MUCH PAPERWORK) and money you must spend and...and...whoof. and all you want to do is tell the world to SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE. But no. Things must be signed and people consulted and honestly you're not the only one hurting here so quit being selfish about it.

Last night I started in with a scratching throat and That Feeling. This morning, scratchy throat and runny nose. I'll be fine. It ain't the flu or COVID or that nonsense. It's just a cold, nothing hot tea and tylenol can't help. I'll be fine, though grumpy. Thanks to Capt and his inability to buy stuff in small quantities, I have Sam's Club size packages of tissues, chicken broth, teabags, honey, and lemon juice. A giant bottle of probably 1000 tylenol (plenty to get me through).  Hot coffee this morning has been nice and I've...well...finished off a pot. So now not only am I managing a cold but I'm doing it hyperactively. Have you ever dragged around in a hurry? I have. It's like watching a snail on speed. Good grief.

I suppose, since I've been up for (consults clock) over 3 hours I might oughta get dressed. Or, I could just stay in my bathrobe and super comfortable pajamas and tell off anyone who has issues with that.  Colds make me rude and opinionated. Widowhood makes me crusty.  It's too rainy/wet/cool to be all Suzy Sunshiney and frankly right now I want to cuss like a stevedore about every. single. thing. I won't, but that doesn't mean I won't think about it.

Fortunately I have some good friends who understand. Some of them held my hand The First Time. A couple of them have the same sick sense of humor I do, and keep me from taking myself too seriously. Of course it's a serious situation! About as serious as it can get, but...dark humor has seen me through every situation I've ever dealt with and this one is no exception.

O Lord, you have searched me and known me. You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from far away. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, O Lord, you know it completely. you hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is so high that I cannot attain it.

Where can I go from your spirit? Or where can I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there; if I make my bed in Sheol, you are there. If I take the wings of the morning and settle at the farthest limits of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and night wraps itself around me," even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is as bright as the day, for darkness is as light to you.

 

For it was you who formed my inward parts; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; that I know very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret,  intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes beheld my unformed substance. In your book were written all the days that were formed for me, when none of them as yet existed. How weighty to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! I try to count them—they are more than the sand;

 I come to the end I am still with you.

Psalm 139: 1-18

I know God understands. He's been with me my entire life and knows my ways. I am grateful for that.