Peace and quiet, that's what I'm hoping for today. I have learned to not bank on things hoped for, especially the little things like a day of peace and quiet, but one can always hope and plan.
(Plans are meant to be disrupted. Why else would you have kids?)
Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand. Proverbs 19:21
Laundry, maybe some cooking ahead for the week. Sorting through a giant pile of coats, formerly belonging to Capt but he doesn't need them anymore. They'll go to #2 Son, who'll see to it they are distributed to people who can make better use of them than I would. There's still laundry on the floor from last week, clean but I didn't feel like doing anything with it but I needed something from the bottom of the basket and frankly, I didn't feel like folding it and so what. It's my house/life and if I don't want to fold laundry then I won't. To-do to-do dee doo.
All that said, and the sub-surface whining voice that said it, I am attempting to re-start. I've managed to establish a couple of new habits since Capt's passing on, so I know it can be done. I want to set up a couple more, then perhaps eventually get to a place where my life looks like it is approximating one of a person who may actually have a bit of her sh*t together. This place is a mess and I don't want it to be ("place" being more of a metaphysical one than the actual abode...though that's a mess too.)
That people may know, from the rising of the sun and from the west, that there is none besides me; I am the Lord, and there is no other. I form light and create darkness; I make well-being and create calamity; I am the Lord, who does all these things. Isaiah 45:6-7
One step at a time, one day at a time. One of the things my wise-beyond-his-years youngest said was that he is taking his life right now as it comes. Not being foolish with it, but he has figured out that God provides what he needs when he needs it (a job, a place to live, the help he needs) and he's learned to trust Him with all that. It's hard for me to grasp that. BUT YOU NEED A PLAN. WHAT ABOUT SCHOOL? No, Mom, right now I need a roof over my head, a way to buy food, and to get that car fixed so I can have a way to get around. Priorities, he has them.
Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. Matthew 6:34
That has made me realize that what I need to to take things a day at a time and not let Life overwhelm me. God has seen to it I have a roof, food, a car, and friends. I don't need to decide right now what I'm going to do next year, even how I intend to live out the next 45 years. I need to decide what I am going to do today. That's all. It's enough.
The new habits, though, the concepts behind them, there's nothing wrong with that. In fact, they give me a certain feeling of control I haven't had for a while. When Capt died, and I couldn't do anything about it, I kind of felt like everything flew apart. Same thing happened when Himself died. All those plans, wishes, expectations, all flew right out the window and I thought NOW WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO. For a control freak like myself, that was disconcerting. I don't like disconcerting. But the couple of new habits I've been able to develop are ones that are simple day-starting and mind-organizing strategies that have allowed the day to begin focused on what matters, which then allows me to take the unexpected (pipes bursting, can't take a shower, where's the box of pipe fittings) and see them for what they are...inconveniences, not tragedies. Not only that, opportunities for a couple of people in my life to do what they love to do...help someone, fill a day that may have been sad for them and do a good deed. (Thanks, Dad and #3!)
For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7
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