Fear Not

 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.  John 14:27

Repeat after me: Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid

I woke up this morning overwhelmed and yes, afraid. So much to do. So overwhelming. So long to live, and alone. 

Oh i know, I don't actually KNOW how long I'm going to live, no one does. But based on the metrics, on grandmothers and great grandmothers who lived to 100, an aunt who's 80 and going strong, all those long-lived family members...chances are I'm only a hair over 1/2 way through my life and THIS IS NOT HOW I PLANNED IT.

Lots of things go through my mind....

What if I fall and break my back and no one knows?

What if I choke on my own spit?

What if (insert improbable but not impossible weird scenario)?

What if I live the rest of my life wrapped in a cocoon because I'm afraid of what if?

 For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7

Is that what God wants from me?  To live like the servant who buried the coins because he was afraid of losing them, instead of investing them like the other guys, or to be fearless, trusting His plan for me and live well for His glory?

Who is making me afraid, anyway? Not God, that's for sure. He's the one who tells us to step out there and take a risk.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”    Joshua 1:9

When I read things like that, my brain says "yeah, but He was talking to Joshua, not you." Then I think "yeah, but actually He kinda was talking to me, because God's concepts are eternal and universal."

Being a loner, alone, when you're not used to it, is scary. It just is. There's no backup in a crunch. 

A couple of days ago I spent some time with a friend, who's also widowed. We discussed the advantages...not having to run anything by anyone else, like what or when to eat, when to go to bed or get up, what to watch on TV.  Then she called me last night to say she'd wrenched her back and wouldn't be at church. "I'm going to spend the day in my recliner, with heat on it." she said. And the thing is, she's not a quick-to-bounce-back 50-something. She's in her 80's. How much worse is it for her to be alone, in her head, than for me? What am I whining about? What if she'd fallen and couldn't get up? She's got an Apple watch that calls 911 if she's in a real pickle. She told me she refused to get a Help I've Fallen And I Can't Get Up necklace because those are embarrassing, and she's got better things to do than act like a scared little old lady. (maybe I should get a watch like that) 

I woke up like this, afraid and overwhelmed. Have you ever noticed how things are worse when it's dark? It  was 5:45am and dark. So I got up, hoping a hot cup of coffee and solid plans to go to church would help. So far, so good, although there is a residual nugget of Help Me! sitting in there. Sunlight, a bellowing wren on the front porch, and some Christmas music from the church choir will help. 

I'll be OK. I know God's got all this in hand. 

Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand. Proverbs 19:21

The Holy Spirit is right here, offering comfort and consolation, and freedom from fear.

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.  2 Corinthians 3:17  

Jesus took care of the big important stuff a couple thousand years ago and for the last month we've been remembering and celebrating His willingness to meet us where we're at by becoming a man.

Since therefore the children share in flesh and blood, he himself likewise partook of the same things, that through death he might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is, the devil, Hebrews 2:14

I've been told that Scripture can be used to comfort and allay fears. This is true. Going through all them, (and I know I threw up a bunch here), reminds me that, in the grand scheme of things, everything's going to be ok. Yes. I have fears, uncertainties, confusion, and I can be very whiney. But it's all going to be ok.