I'm doing kinda sorta Christmassy stuff. Cookies and all. Looking up cheeseball recipes (as if you really need a recipe for that). I don't feel any regret for not getting more into it all, more a sense of relief for having no guilt over the lack of culturally mandated Christmas Cheer. Normally, when I don't do something the way I expect myself to, I get guilty about it. The personal expectations are really much higher than everyone else's. Maybe it's age. At 57, caring what others think about (whatever) has gone by the wayside. Now? A little bitty Christmas tree, and a warm blanket. That's all that's needed around here.
That said, I am baking cookies today. Good ol' All-American Toll House cookies are cooling, and soon I'll start Oatmeal of the Quaker Oats- From-the-Back-of-the-Box cookies. Only I add more spice to them. And nuts. I believe in nuts in my cookies. There's also got a can of pumpkin that is looking for a recipe in which to participate. That will require some research. It's fun, this cookie making. They'll all go to assorted sons and their housemates. Goodness knows I don't need them. A couple of cookies with the afternoon cup of coffee and that's it. But the Assorted Sons like them, and it's probably a safe bet they aren't making them. The house sure smells good.
I found a good looking cheeseball recipe, ripe for alterations. Recipes, in this house, are merely suggestions. All I need are the proportions of cream cheese to shredded cheese, and the rest is flexible. Why a cheeseball? Because it's not really Christmas without it. And they're tasty. They're so....I dunno....AMERICAN. Like cocktail wieners in a crockpot, or 7 layer bean dip. Simply yummy stuff, but not fancy or intimidating. No fancy charcuterie or butter board here. Nope.
Another favorite are cheese straws. I use my great grandmother's recipe, and since I can't recall it right off the top of my head, you'll just have to believe me. Flour, butter, and cheese. Kind of like shortbread cookies only cheese instead of sugar. Roll the dough into a log, and roll the log in something pretty like minced parsley or paprika. If you're brave, ground cayenne. Chill for a while. Slice them into coins and bake. Those things can be problematic because...baked cheese. So good.
I'm not too worried about the whole Joy Joy Christmas Spirit thing. My kids are all grown, and doing their lives, as they should. I reflect on the miracle of Jesus' birth, and why it all happened. What an incredible gift that was/is/ever will be. It's freezing cold today and I have a warm home, a nice smelling candle, a dog who's impatient about getting on the couch, and enough coffee. I had a lovely conversation with my oldest son, and have plans to get the youngest tomorrow. The best part of right now...all my kids are cared for, have roofs over their heads and food on the table.
The truth of the matter is this...I am blessed beyond all anything I could ever earn. I will see all of my children in Heaven, for eternity....and there is NOTHING better than that. I will see Himself, Capt, my grandparents, parents, all the people who matter to me the most. The sense of relief that comes with that assurance is...well. There's no appropriate word for it. Joy to the World, indeed.
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