Plan C

Many plans are in a man’s heart, But the counsel of the Lord will stand.

Proverbs 19:21

Plan A was made in the 1980's: Get married, have kids, House With White Picket Fence, etc. I knew from the time I was old enough to think about such things that this was what I wanted. I wanted to take care of a family, cook the meals, all the things I was told (literally) were a waste of my time and intellect. Pfft. I did it and I don't regret a single minute of it. However (you knew that was coming), it didn't quite end the way I'd planned. Yes, I got to do all of those things and while the house itself didn't have a white picket fence, my garden did. Himself knew of that particular fantasy and did what he could to satisfy it. The ending was not the one I wanted. I wanted a 50th Anniversary Celebration with grandkids in the yard and daughters-in-law in the kitchen making deviled eggs an Himself and I on the front porch talking about the good life we'd had.  He passed away 6 months before our 29th anniversary.

On to Plan B. I didn't have a Plan B. It never occurred to me that Plan A wouldn't work out, since it had for almost 29 years. The only part of a Plan B that existed was the life insurance I insisted on when Himself announced he wanted a motorcycle. 

So, I waited. I went to school, as much to have something to fill my time as anything. I got an associate's degree in business management. I floundered with my children, as I had no clue what to do with them while they floundered with being adults. Fish out of water, I was. I'd gone from living with my parents to getting married and living with Himself. I quite literally had never been On My Own. Oh I knew the basic stuff: Pay the bills on time. Buy groceries regularly. But the relational part...the evenings on my own, once I got over the revelation of being able to decide, without input, what to cook for meals or watch on TV or when to go to bed...that was harder. I had no idea how to just...be on my own. Clueless. 

And I met Capt. We shared a whole lot of common interests. He was FUN. And FUNNY. And deeply opinionated. He loved everyone until they gave him a reason not to. He cared for my kids in a way I never thought someone, especially someone who didn't really know them, possibly could. He had a very interesting and close relationship with God. He wasn't perfect, but neither was I. We got to know each other, relationship developed, and we decided that Yes, This was my new Person. 

Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17

Let me tell you. When you're in your 50's (I was 52 and he was 51 when we met), learning a new person, with all their ingrained habits and behaviors, with their opinions formed over the last 50-odd years, it's not the easiest thing in the world. We had our conflicts. We also had our commitment. 'Til death do us part" and "In sickness and in health". Those words are not meaningless. He was progressively sicker starting from when he had COVID in 2020. "You didn't sign up for this" he said. Oh but honey, I most certainly did. 

All along, we agreed that our meeting wasn't chance. God put us in the same place at the same time, with intention. Capt was vitally necessary when it came to various situations with my sons. He gave me common sense advice, guided me on how to handle them (I was clueless). He showed me how I could live my life and that there was nothing wrong with enjoying it. He was the finest companion a person could have. I loved (and still love!) him very much in myriad ways. I also think I was necessary for him. He needed someone who would believe in him, help him fulfill some dreams, cheer him on, and never give up on him. And toward the end, that last 9 months, someone who would take care of him. I wasn't perfect at that, let me be clear. I didn't really understand just how sick he really was. I got frustrated...both with him and with the doctors who said they couldn't find anything. But all that said, I was committed and I loved (still do!) him.

So, Plan B lasted one week short of 5 years. On to Plan C, which I never considered. At all. I have no idea. So at this point, I'm going to wait and see what develops. I've started doing a few things with Dad and The Lions Club. Yes. That Lions Club. It's interesting and fun (so far) and I enjoy volunteer work. I've also talked to someone about being a fill-in-the-blanks sitter for a person who's bedridden. I can do that easily, it's an hour or two, here and there. Time fillers, basically, that are more than making sock monkeys and watching TV (although I'm doing that as well). Same sort of things I did after Himself passed on. I've adopted a Wait and See mentality. Which door is God going to open? How will I know to walk through it? Lord, give me patience and wisdom. 

The mind of man plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps.

Proverbs 16:9