FINALLY!

 It has taken a ridiculously long time to get Capt's death certificates, without which I cannot proceed with ANYTHING. None of the legal stuff with his will, life insurance, nothing. NOTHING. At first I was fine with not having them. It gave me a couple of weeks to catch my breath, grieve undistracted, all those good things I didn't get to do with Himself (long story for another day).

However, after 3 weeks and not receiving them, I grew impatient and knew I needed them. So, I called the funeral home. Nope, don't have them yet. Call the coroner's office, maybe? So I did. Nope, not my responsibility because he was in the hospital for more than 24 hours. Ok then...I finally got my head together and called who I should have called in the first place. The Vital Records Dept at the hospital.

" Oh," she said. "The doctor hasn't signed it yet."

"It's been nearly a month!" I didn't scream. "I can't DO ANYTHING!"

"Hum. Well, give me an hour and I'll call you back." She was very sweet and calm.

~an hour goes by

"Hello! The doctor signed your certificate!" I was cheerfully informed.

"How long has it been signed?" I was thinking it was signed shortly after Capt died, and some shuffle meant it was ignored/forgotten/sidetracked.

"5 minutes ago. I tracked him down and made him sign it."

This woman is going to get high praises, because she didn't say "Not my department." or "I can't help you. You'll have to wait."

I called the funeral home and she said "We'll have them by tomorrow" and I said I would come get them (even though it's a 2 hour drive), because the mail service is erratic here. 

So yesterday, I drove the 2 hours south and acquired them. *whew*. I also visited Capt's parents (30 minutes from there) for a bit, and that was lovely. I love his parents. Even though I've only been part of that family for 5 years, they all (the whole large family) have treated me like a full-fledged member from the very beginning. That's a new feeling. And a wonderful one. 

Now the Logistical Work begins. I am glad I had a few weeks to gather my wits. Hopefully *this* time it won't be such a scary thing. You see, Himself didn't have a will. I had a minor child. There was a LOT of stuff that I had no idea how to handle and it was very scary. There was also a very kind, understanding, and competent attorney who weekly told me to relax, that he'd handle it. So I am going into this knowing I can drop a file on the attorney's desk and he'll handle a lot of it. This time, Capt has a will. He knew about everything I'd gone through previously, and made sure I wouldn't have to This Time. 

Ladies and Gentlemen, have a will. It's not very expensive and it will save your family no end of difficulties.

Ladies and Gentlemen, have a financial reserve of about 3 months income, if at all possible, so if your income source suddenly irrevocably disappears, you won't have to panic. I know that's not the easiest thing to do for a lot of people.  

Ladies and Gentlemen, Make sure you know ALL THE PASSWORDS and have access to EVERYTHING. Make sure you know the codes for your safe, have the key to the safety deposit box....all of that. When Himself died, I didn't. It got ugly when I couldn't pay bills. Capt knew that and made sure I could access all the things. 

All of this stuff is difficult to think about. I know that. I know how hard it is to think about the possibilities. But I also know what kind of havoc it can cause to not know, or have in place, or be prepared. 

I had the best possible circumstances in the worst possible situation. Himself had a good life insurance policy, that gave me wiggle room. Capt made sure I was taken care of with all the logistical stuff, that eased my mind because I had knowledge.

But I can imagine what it would be like if I didn't have any of those advantages, and I want to impress upon you the huge importance of them, especially if you love your spouse. I've said it before. 

If you truly love someone, you want what's best for them. 

Leaving them with a pile of stuff to sort through and figure out, especially during a time when they're overwhelmed with grief, just because you don't want to think about it...well. That's irresponsible, cruel, and thoughtless. There. I said it. Just because it's unintentional and you don't think it will happen to you doesn't make it any less difficult for whoever's having to deal with it. 

Just like taking care of your health if you love people is necessary, so is taking care of your affairs. It's not morbid. It's love.

But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. 1 Timothy 5:8

Harsh sounding words from Paul, I know...but there it is.