I spent most of yesterday going through Stuff. I decided I Was Ready. Holy cow. I knew Capt had a lot of clothes. 3 giant black garbage bags later, and you can't even see that a dent was made. Fortunately, I have a good and useful place to send them. There's a ministry in Atlanta that can use most of the clothes. He was involved with it on a personal level so I know he'd want his stuff going there. It feels good, knowing where and who. I've already given his Hawaiian shirts (he had many) to a couple of my sons, and seeing those on them will make me smile. #2 has a friend who's a big Alabama fan, and also needs clothes. So, those are going to him. Capt would approve, if he cared at all where his clothes went...which I doubt...because he's busy doing fabulous things.
The hardest part, really, is remembering when he wore this. Or knowing those ratty shorts were his daily-wear. He always wore them unless he was using a chainsaw. Mid winter, he'd have on a flannel shirt and ratty shorts. "They're comfortable and just getting broke in good" he'd say. "They're falling apart" I'd answer. "You're a SEAMSTRESS" he'd point out. "FIX THEM". And so I would. So now, instead of looking like he'd gotten in a fight with a coyote and lost, he would look like he got in a fight with a coyote and lost but knew someone with a sewing machine. In a passive-aggressive attempt to get him to replace them, I'd stitch them up with whatever thread was on the machine. Brown shorts with yellow stitches. Blue shorts with orange stitches .That made him mad as it caused them to approximate Auburn university colors and he couldn't have that. I pointed out that he was always buying me a University of Alabama something and it was the least he could do. I think he finally realized he looked a little bit like a homeless guy from Central Florida, what with the long beard and all, and he got some new ones. However, he always saved them for Special Occasions, like...y'know...weddings and stuff. (I exaggerate...he had a suit)
Much of it was things he..(were things? Help! Grammar police!) that were important to him, but of little significance to me. A beautiful wool scarf he got in Ireland. I wasn't there when he made that trip. It was Pre-Me. His hunting mittens. He hadn't hunted since we were together. Towels he used as seat covers when he had his Boykin. He was very sentimental about those. Also pre-me. How do I deal with things like that? They have no value at all to me. But I also understand how I feel about certain items of mine, of which I am very sentimental, but my kids have no attachment to. I don't want to dishonor him, but I also don't want to hold onto a bunch of stuff.
I have a banker's box of particular items that belonged to Himself. It is one fairly small box. The items are things that remind me of him, that I can look at and recall events. I will make a similar box of Capt's things, that I will go through and remind me of particular events in our relationship. Just one box. That's enough. I will ask people in his life if they want this, or that. And I will take my time deciding what to do with the rest. I didn't have quite the luxury of time with Himself's things. But now, I do. And when I'm gone, my very unsentimental sons will get to figure out what to do with it all. I may tell them to have an estate sale and let everything become someone else's to deal with.
Going through a person's stuff, when every single thing means something, is hard. Some things, not so much because it's just a shirt, or socks. Other things, wow. I have no clue. And there's a LOT. Capt was very sentimental. So was Himself. I have to be careful, for my own sake. I keep reminding myself that material things, the antique fishing reels, the completely unorganized (and I have no idea how they go) box of photographs, the clocks that don't work but had great value to him, all those things no longer mean anything to him.
“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Matthew 6:19-21
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