Capt's beautiful fishing boat will be going down to Mobile this weekend. A friend down there has offered to sell it for me. Since he's in the business of boats (He modifies/fancies up/customizes them ,and did so with Capt's), he's in a good position to sell it. This boat was a lifelong dream for Capt. Since he was 12, he wanted to run a fly-fishing charter on the coast. Until we met, he really didn't think it would happen. I encouraged him, pushed him, and helped him make it happen. Then he got sick. Long-Covid, etc. The boat sat in the driveway, the fishing gear sat in the office. I kept telling him he'd get better, and the dream would happen, just right now...it's not. Now though...I imagine him fly-fishing in Heaven, bare feet dug into the sand, or maybe in a boat just like this one, standing on the platform, poling through a salt marsh, looking for redfish tailing. But this boat sat in the driveway and every time I see it I think of a dream unrealized. Now, though, maybe it will become someone else's dream boat. I hope so. It is a thing of beauty, that boat. Every bell, whistle, and accessory you could want. Comfortable, too. And it makes me sad to see it, sad to think of it leaving, but I will also be glad it's gone somewhere else. Maybe someone else's dream will be realized.
This house I am in here in East Alabama, it is a dream Himself had, that we would have a small house on this piece of land, comfortable with everything we want and nothing we don't need. Enough land the grandkid(s....eventually, hopefully) can play around and have woods to walk through the same way he and I did when we were kids. We talked about a floor plan, way back in the day, and that is the floor plan I have now. After he died, I knew exactly the house to build, because we had discussed it for years. A dream partially realized, but without Himself's hand to hold while sitting in rocking chairs on the front porch. I'd rather have the hand to hold, but that's not an option anymore.
Capt had a dream of traveling the world with me. He told me, the week before he died, to travel. "Put stamps in your passport. Go see Europe, Greece, Israel". I'm starting to do that, making the plans. I'd rather do it with him, but that's not an option anymore.
I know God has this all worked out. He's smart that way. He's always had it worked out. The only thing that has changed is my perception. My job is to trust that He knows what He's doing and since He's never let me down or gone back on a promise, I know I can trust that it will all work out. I can't deny that it hurts sometimes. I wish His promise included growing old with someone I was young with. Or even middle aged with. At this point I am unsure of any of that. I'm learning to trust His judgement about my life, His plan, but it's not easy.
God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. Has he said, and will he not do it? Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it? Numbers 23:19
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