I read somewhere that writing is a skill that should be practiced, like a piano. It’s not like riding a bike (although that is also a bad analogy because I tried riding a bike recently and it did not go well) or driving a stick shift. So, in the interest of maintaining the skill, I have decided to write again. Now, I am going to shutter this particular blog and return to the one I’ve been writing at since 2006. Why? In the interest of streamlining my life, I don’t want to remember 2 places. You can go here to read it.
Tuesday, July 30, 2024
Happy Mother's Day!
Found languishing in the drafts folder..I have no idea why I didn’t hit the PUBLISH button in this one, but here it is on the last day of July.
Happy Mother's Day to all y'all with kids, young and old. Mine are getting up there, 3 in their mid-30's and 1 in his mid-20's. All of them still middle school-aged in my head, but that's logical given that I'm still in my mid-30's mentally. I turned 59 this year. What a concept, nearly 60 and probably 10 years past 1/2 way to my expiration date (as far as I can tell, only God knows and I'm ok with that. )
Being a mother has been amazing, challenging in myriad ways, and quite the growth experience. I've needed help all the way through it, from God, from the kids father, Himself, and from Capt, my most recent beloved. God chose to take Himself and Capt to Heaven and honestly, it was probably the best thing for both of them, as life was getting pretty uncomfortable for them. I don't look at it as something God did to me, but more as something He did for them. What a wonderful thing and eventually He will do it for me AND FOR MY KIDS! That has been the biggest gift of my life, each of them finding their way, guided through experience and circumstance, and by The Good Shepherd, into the flock of His sheep. I think of that daily, thank Him for it, and wonder at the paths they took, as well as my own, crooked, full of digressions and attempts at finding my our ways (those NEVER worked, I hope we've learned at this point!). I am sure more mistakes will happen, more incidents of personal attempts and failures and returns.
The fact is, my kids have prevailed and I am so proud of them! Each in their own ways, each with their own stories of falls and redemptions, and returns to God's comfortable haven. I look at each one, seeing who they were when they were infants, toddlers, younglings making their own decisions in their own ways and so proud of how they turned out, even when there were periods of fear and anxiety about their lives....would they even survive? They did, and the relief, every day, that they made it through, is miraculous. Thank You, God, for protecting them.
My own mother had her own circumstances that she made it through, both in her life and in watching me make my own (poor) choices then coming through, ending up with Himself, then Capt, and my own kids. Her calm nature and methods of handling crises carried over to me, and how I handle them. I appreciate that. Her gardening, love of plants and flowers, love of learning a new skill, her sewing, all of those things are carried on by me, as perfectly normal things because that's what I grew up with. I am thankful for that.
For those of you with wonderful mothers, Happy Mother's Day, with children who have survived and prevailed, Happy Mother's Day! For those of you who have survived a rough childhood, You Made It! You have prevailed in the face of adversity! You may even be your OWN mother, looking after your own self and doing the best you can, congratulations, YOU MADE IT.
I did the thing....
March 18, 2024. This languished in the drafts folder until just now. (July 30)
Last week, I did the thing. I made a trip, by myself, for myself. As I was returning home, there was much pondering on it all. It was the first time EVER I had made a trip by myself, for myself, with no real agenda other than DOING IT to see if I could. And I could, did, and will again, Lord willing.
Several months ago, I decided to return to Key Largo, after 3 years. Capt and I went several times and love (loved...maybe he still does?) The Keys. It's warm, there's plenty of water, a laid back attitude, and lots of fresh seafood. Dressing Up means putting on the good flip flops. Anyway I wanted to do it again. Maybe a bit to revisit memories, perhaps to make a few new ones, certainly to pugnaciously insist on Doing It sans supervision.
So I rented a cute little trailer in an RV park via AirBnB, stocked the fridge with wine, crackers, and salad, and set out. Now, The Keys are full of state parks with labeled flora and occasional fauna in the form of iguanas and other lizards. (also bugs but there's sprays for that), and I love me some flora and fauna. Also being March, it wasn't super hot/sticky. Just enough warmth to be able to wear t-shirts and shorts and flip flops. State parks were visited without a single person complaining about being bored or making plans to do other things. In fact, with the exception of a couple of planned dive trips (because reservations were necessary), there were no plans made at all.
About the dive trips, I went through Silent World Dive Center in Key Largo (highly recommend!) and saw 3 sites....Horseshoe Reef, Christ of the Abyss, and a wreck which name I can't remember but it was pretty interesting. There was a 4th one planned but 1/2 way through the wreck dive I started getting super queasy, so got back on the boat and spent the next 1/2 hour feeding my breakfast to the fish. So I chose not to do it. The seas were kind of rough, even and even 25 feet down they were sort of rocking around. Yes, I took Bonine and normally that works well and I hate to think how I'd felt if I hadn't taken it. At any rate, the waters were clear and I saw many pretty things. It felt good to get back into the water and realize I COULD do it, on my own-ish. The nice thing about Silent World is that they found me a dive buddy both times, so it was safe and comfortable. I feel fairly confident about the trip to Bonaire now (in June).
I made a decision. On the second day of the trip, I went to Theater of the Sea, and saw a dolphin show, among many other things. I was taking pictures, trying to get some Good Ones, and realized I was watching the show in order to get good pictures, instead of simply to enjoy it. The camera was put down, and the moment was lived in. I spent the rest of the trip doing that, living in the moment, just enjoying it. I'd taken the underwater cameras and go-pro, but never used them, because I wanted to live in the moment and simply enjoy it. That was kind of liberating, really. So I don't have anything to show other people, but so what? I have memories, and if one day I forget them, then I do. I bought a couple of cool souvenirs, and that's good enough.
I realized I can live in the moment sometimes. Plans aren't always necessary. Sometimes they are, sure, but sometimes they aren't. I also realized I've been under the authority of someone else all my life. Now the only authority I have is God, the only person to whom I'm accountable is God. I don't need permission, nor do I have to run it by someone else, I can just GO.
I got to see a good friend who lives in a town midway from here to there. It was WONDERFUL! I hadn't seen her in 20 years and to see that she and her husband are doing so well was a lovely, lovely thing. We enjoyed our time together, rekindled an old, old (like...nearly 50 years old) friendship, and I realized we still have a lot in common. She looks nearly the same...she said I do as well, sweet woman.
All that said, it was good to get home. To my own mess, bed, dog, coffee maker. My own comfortable recliner, heating pad, shower and soap, and water. Who knew that different water could feel so strange? There was a huge pile of junk mail...seriously. Out of all that mail there was 1 important thing. pfft. Paperless society indeed.
God has indeed created a lovely and interesting world. The underwater part is sort of like being on another planet. It looks different, light is different. Flora and fauna are different and even misleading because most of the "flora" is actually fauna. And jellyfish! This creature without a brain or a discernable nervous system has behavior and functions! There were a lot of them, but not the stinging scary type, just these clear blobs derping around. They are fascinating. Beautiful fish of all colors and shapes. Some of them are tasty too. Grouper. Yum.
I learned a lot about myself: that I am capable on my own, that people are generally kind if you're kind to them. I was treated very well all around, but I was also respectful to everyone I spoke to. I can do hard things like...I don't know....none of it seemed very hard. I missed my people. Capt, Himself, my boys. But I also found that I'm rational and sensible, for the most part, and if I can be flexible then things go well.
I had a dive trip planned for Monday, but Shelby, at Silent World, called and asked if I'd mind rescheduling due to rough seas and my back issues possibly not being very compatible. That she was willing to do that was super sweet, in my opinion. Everyone I met was wonderful. People at gas stations up and down Florida. Servers at restaurants. Random strangers at the grocery stores. Seriously, I didn't come across a single person who wasn't respectful or kind. It kind of reminded me that people treat you the way you treat them, y'know? That is a universal truth, in my experience. It is unrelated to race, color or creed. Literally EVERYONE I met was kind and respectful, probably because I was as well, but that is how life should be lived, in my opinion. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" really does work.
Also, coffee in Venice, Fla...yum, y'all.
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